the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize
