can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Randomize
