The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Randomize
