When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Randomize
