the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
