remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Randomize
