you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Randomize
