If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
Operation Purity has been aborted
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
