I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
