Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
