just come out here and I will go home with you...
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Boobs are out for the taking
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
