i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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