You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
