Don't you send me to vm
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Randomize
