i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Randomize
