Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Randomize
