i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Randomize
