I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
