I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
