Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Randomize
