i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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