dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
