I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Randomize
