She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
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