hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
