Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Randomize
