Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Randomize
