Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
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