Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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