i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
