some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Randomize
