grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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