That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Randomize
