We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
Every concussion has its silver lining
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Randomize
