You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Randomize
