Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
