I'd wear matching sweaters with you
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
