After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
