I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
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