can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
