On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
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