I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Randomize
