im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
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