we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
