You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
