sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
