Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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