Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
