why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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