I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
