you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
