Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
I just found a bag of teeth...
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
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